I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
