Duck Duck Cougar?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink