Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom