I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
