dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?