can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.