I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.