I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
