Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
