Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!