you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
