guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
