I will die if light touches me.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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