she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
