Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize