You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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