we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
