i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
