What a fucking waste of an outfit
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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