used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I checked into jail on foursquare
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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