Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
