2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize