youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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