i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
