Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
