Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
