May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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