i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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