why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
