I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
