You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
