My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
