I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
