if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
