mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
