wat bout pragnant strippers??
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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