I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
