he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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