I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
