its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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