so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
