Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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