I just made out with a guy for $7.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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