Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
