He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
