can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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