the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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