Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
