it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
