If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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