I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
