i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
