when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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