Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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