she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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