just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
