Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
