I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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