Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You should frame my arrest warrant.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
