On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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