Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
well you can't waste a boner
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
