You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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