I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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