I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
