I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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