Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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