i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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