I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
