Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
