you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
