Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
