Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was CRYING into my vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
