I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
