I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
