is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
