i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
