girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
