dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
