sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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