just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
