Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
