Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
