Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
