Got a toothbrush?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
