So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
