I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
