nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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