omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
