it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
