hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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