The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
