i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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